Normal, by Wang Junzhe

Normal
By Wang Junzhe

My girlfriend and I were lying in bed.

“Look at you! You are so lovely and beautiful! You have definitely the potential to be a movie star!” I said softly looking into her eyes.

“You really think so? I hope I will get famous as well!” she smiled at me.

“Sure! How great it will be!” I said, “However… hmm… let’s just stop dreaming.” I turned off the bedside lamp, “night dear, sweet dreams!”

The next day, my girlfriend went to work as usual. At around one, she called me and said excitingly “You will not believe it! Today, I met a film producer. He said I have got the potential to be a star and he asked me to try out for the leading role in his movie!”

From that day on, I watched her often on TV: in films, on TV series and in advertisements. She did become a star! I was so happy and proud for her! Furthermore, as her boyfriend, I had quite a number of interviews and from time to time I had the chance to be on TV as well! “That feels good!” I said to myself.

A year later, she was famous all over the nation. She was the idol for everybody.

Two years later, she became internationally well-known. She went abroad quite often.

Three years later, I hardly saw her once a week, except on TV.

Four years later, I heard rumors about her having affairs with other actors.

Five years later, on the night of our marriage, she told me that she was pregnant. However… the baby was not mine. Finally, I could not bear it anymore and shouted at her crazily.

Suddenly, I felt someone shaking me, “What’s up, Dear? Is everything OK? Why are you yelling at 3 o’clock in the morning?” It was my girlfriend, with a drowsy look.

Luckily it was only a dream!

“It is OK, Dear,” I said with a mild smile, “just a nightmare. I should really stop dreaming!”


by Wang Junzhe, after Dan Rhodes

TV Programme

My girlfriend watched a documentory about animals at 2 a.m. I told her I was sleepy and we should sleep. She said I was a lion and she was a monkey. I was always sleeping while she needed activity. I answered she was tired too and should sleep. She stood up, took her clothes, opened the door. I asked what she was doing. She calmly said she was going cause I was a lion and she couldn't live with a lion. I bumped out of the bed and stayed in front of the door, asking her to reconsider her analogy. She smiled, pushed me, and we had some activity.

Writing

I wrote letters to my boyfriend every day while he was away. Love letters when I felt lonely, angry letters when I resented his absence, funny letters when I wanted to share a joke, passionate letters when I desired him.
When he came back, he told me that he hadn't read any of them, because my handwriting was unreadable.

The parakeets

When my girlfriend told me she wanted a couple of parakeets, I first tried to deter her:
"We have already had two cats and a dog. No one has survived more than two months! "
After she explained me that parakeets do not usually try to cross the road, and that they would bring entertainment in our rather "gloomy" daily life, I had no other choice than to say yes.
I live with two parakeets now. They scream, they smell. On the week-end, my girlfriend insists for them to eat with us. Nothing makes her laugh more than seeing then eating in my plate.

Polygamy

Girls are very jealous. They always want to be the only one. So the first thing I did was to find them a field where I could say they were the best and the only one. I had the funniest girl in the world, the cutest one and the sweetest one and so on. The thing is they didn’t want me to see other girls. They were so jealous they told me they would kill me. One day I switched name between two girlfriends and now I’m in Hell. But you know what, polygamy isn’t forbidden here !

Diamond

My girlfriend was the most beautiful girl I can imagine, she was so perfect I couldn’t find the smallest flaw in her. I wanted her forever so I bought her a golden ring. By the fire one night I kneeled in front of and showed her the ring. She looked at the precious stone, she froze one second and told me :
“This one is too small, I thought you loved me more.”
She married a guy who could buy her the world.