jeudi 20 mars 2008

Autobiography as someone else

The other Jérôme is as humorous as can be. I like listening to him very much: he’s a surge of positive ideas. He’s the one whom sunny weather can keep happy throughout the day. He’s the one whom stormy weather can depress by no means. He’s the sunny side of my mind.

I know the person he’s going out with. I’m very jealous of him, for I love that person too, but I know that person doesn’t know who I am. Whenever we meet, the other Jérôme stands before me and his jovial smile hides my neutral face. He’s such a bragger! But I must say otherwise in everyday life my personality is stronger than his, and people seldom notice his presence beside me. I happen to feel tired of being always myself in people’s eyes. I happen to wish they would see him instead, and leave me at rest for a while. Life is much too exhausting for being lived by oneself.

I should have told you first when he was born, I’m such a poor storyteller. He’s the one who would have told you gorgeous stories. I love him to tell me stories. The fact is, I don’t know exactly when he was born. He must have been born sometime, for I don’t remember him following me long, long ago, in my high school days. He may have been born very recently, maybe a few months ago. Do you really care, honestly?

Oh but I shouldn’t have asked you that. If he were there, he would have told me: Calm down Jérôme, it’s no big deal, they’re just gently listening to you, of course they care! He’s such a comforting, such a reassuring old chap! Especially when I’m not feeling good. And please believe me, I’m often feeling not so good. But most of the time, the other Jérôme is there and talks to me and reasons me. He always finds sensible answers to the issues I’m lost in. Suppose I suspect a friend of mine of being indifferent to me. He will go and talk to him or her, unafraid and daring… I guess I might say he’s sort of my hero… Well, if one can sort of be one’s own hero… Am I getting through? I fear I’m not. I wish he were there to explain it to you. You’d say, oh, that’s what you meant! And I’d say, yes, and I’d smile to him gratefully.

Jérôme Saulière

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